So I’m comming down with a cold. Hopefully it’ll pass without incident, but its left me with a dry scratchy cough. The kind like the old master always has when he tells the young pupil he’s dying and the pupil’s training is complete.
I mentioned to the Mrs. that I need some medicine for it:
She thinks this is a better idea…
I dunno….
May I suggest a compromise? A lovely 18th century recipe for Hot Buttered Rum:
1 cup apple cider (the cloudy stuff in the jug, not the clear stuff in the juice aisle)
1 T. real maple syrup (not pancake syrup)
1 t. butter (not margarine)
1/4 cup dark rum (the kind that looks like used motor oil. Myers rum will do if there’s nothing darker.)
Heat until the butter melts. Good for what ails you.
I’m washing the Mucinex down with a nice single-malt. Does that count?
Islay????
One of my FAVORITE bits by Chris Morris, Blue Jam, BBC Radio One:
DR PERLIN: Come in.
MAN: Afternoon…
DR PERLIN: Do lower yourself toward the floor and allow the flat part of the chair to interrupt the movement.
MAN: Thank you.
DR PERLIN: Now, what seems to be the problem?
MAN: Well, I’ve been getting this really bad ache in my jaw…
DR PERLIN: Mm…
MAN: Yeah, and it sort of turns into a headache sometimes, and makes it really difficult to concentrate…
DR PERLIN: Yeah…
MAN: Sort of… can make me pretty bad tempered…
DR PERLIN: Yes. Contribute to the strain.
MAN: Yeah… a vicious circle.
DR PERLIN: Well, yes. You’re not taking heroin at the moment, are you?
MAN: No.
DR PERLIN: Okay, well it’s pretty straightforward. I can give you a shot now, and Nurse can take you through the procedures next door.
MAN: …Heroin?
DR PERLIN: Yes, you should simmer down with a bit of that. Roll up your sleeve.
MAN: Um…
DR PERLIN: Just a bit further, so I can… Yep, that’s it. Right, you’ll probably feel a bit sick today. Possibly even be sick. Hold still. But you won’t mind. In fact, you’ll probably think throwing up is nice.
MAN: Mm… m… m…
DR PERLIN: Wonderful drug. There.
MAN: Hmm.. mm… m…
DR PERLIN: See?
MAN: Ooh…
DR PERLIN: Now, you may feel a bit rough tomorrow, so I’d like to see you again tomorrow morning.
MAN: …right…
DR PERLIN: And for the next few days after that you can get your injections from the nurse, and by the end of the week you should be doing it all yourself.
MAN: It… feels… quite… funny…
DR PERLIN: Mm.
MAN: Um… W… would I become… addicted?
DR PERLIN: Oh, yes, but if you stick to medicinal quality heroin and clean needles, you should be fine. And in any case, the treatment for addiction is a substance very like heroin, so you win either way.
MAN: Oh… good…
DR PERLIN: Jolly good. You can make your way out there now.
MAN: …Oh! Yeah… I do feel quite sick…
DR PERLIN: Ha ha ha.
MAN: Thanks!
DR PERLIN: See you tomorrow. Don’t forget your jacket.
MAN: Oh… sorry!
DR PERLIN: See you tomorrow.
Other side of the nation, Speyside. Good stuff!
Great skit too! My Addict cousin is going to the Methadone clinic now. Great idea, the nation has problems with people addicted to Opiates like Oxycontin, Heoroin, Percocet, ect. The obvious cure is to get them using Government Issue Heroin! METHADONE!
I remember when they were trying to build the very methadone clinic my cousin is going to, they had “People” (hard to say if they were actual true stories or fabrications) telling sob stories about getting an injury then getting addicted to their pain meds…and of course the solution to your prescription running out, but you feeling a little dope sick it to go talk to Mookie who’s the conductor on the H-Train.
Then they talked about how Methadone saved their lives….but made the point that they’d likely be on the shit for the rest of their lives.
Of course now people are smuggling their methadone hits out of the clinic and selling them on the street….
A friend of mine had a heroin addiction he picked up in SE Asia. He went to methadone and tried to stop methadone and couldn’t manage. Went back to heroin and then kicked heroin and he’s been clean of anything other than beers now for years. Said methadone is almost impossible to quit, and he cheated on it too, because on the weekends the clinic gave people take homes on friday for saturday and sunday, and he’d triple dose friday and then be sick when it wore off until monday when he got his regular “morning starter” so he could get high because if he was going to be taking opiates all week long, he figured he shuold at least get high one day a week for his efforts. Funny isn’t it? Had to go back to H for a while to get off of ‘done…Important thing is he’s clean now, just turned 57 and has a job and normal relations with people and such. He didn’t have those things on ‘done.
The doctors always recommend plenty of clear liquids. Like water, chicken broth, and vodka.
GIN! As you said “Gin tastes like nail polish remover that licked a pine tree.”
Its clear! Also Scotch is about the same color as chicken broth…
May i suggest????….
http://www.vagisil.com/
Just joking….lol sorry your not feeling well.
I’ve used mucinex many a time, and it’s really not as bad as it sounds. Especially if you get the DM version with the cough suppressant. With the DM version, you cough less but each cough is more productive.
That being said, gin and OJ is great for colds IMO.
That’s what I’ve been taking all week.