So I dig the Youtube Channel Epicurious, mostly for this series:
But they also have a series where they take people who know NOTHING about cooking and have them do something in the Kitchen. IT IS DOGSHIT! This is the mean-girls bullshit that Reality TV lives on, and it is horrible.
But they went one step further today…
Oh the Alcohol abuse with telling somebody who DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO MAKE A MARTINI to make one! Why don’t you grab a city bus driver and have them do a coronary bypass surgery and we can all have a good laugh while the patient bleeds out on the table!!!
But the pain really hits when the “Expert” comes on. First up he’s an instructor in a Culinary Institute, as a general rule, these are Chef schools, not bartending schools….and if that’s changing, his school clearly isn’t one of the new ones that now focus on mixing quality drinks.
So even he mangles the drink.
Mistake #1, Vodka instead of Gin. I personally HATE Vodka Martinis, but they have their place, but in a video called “Make a Martini”, make a MARTINI, not a Vodka Martini, and certainly not a Sour Appletini.
Mistake #2, Shaking rather than Stirring. I’ll even give him a pass on his ice, but seriously? He’s doing it wrong.
Clear as Day, Right and Wrong, drinks with no fruit juice should be stirred. (Also shaking doesn’t make the drink any colder than a proper stir, nor does it change the dilution)
And Mistake 2B: If you’re shaking a drink for a paying customer, double-strain! Use a fine mesh strainer to catch those little ice chunks that are going to get past the cocktail strainer!
Mistake #3 Vermouth wash. NO. If you want a glass of Vodka, there is no shame in it, pour one, and enjoy yourself! If you’d rather be drinking a Rum and Coke, have one! But if you WANT a Martini, you WANT Gin and Vermouth (and either olives, or a lemon twist) and the wash he’s doing is really going to do little more than contaminating his vodka.
So to close out, let’s see how it’s REALLY done.
I personally go 4:1 Gin and Vermouth, and I garnish with olives. Further there is a whole world of mind expanding martinis when you add in bitters.
This is a personal Favorite for the Dry Martini with Olives, tho for the Lemon Twist, you can find Orange Bitters in the damn grocery store, and it will be a game-changer!
A Martini without Gin and Vermouth isn’t a Martini. People should just stop calling fauxtinis Martinis.
Now, when you’re sloshing them with Martinis, make sure you’re using Martini-Henrys…
To be fair, I’m a huge fan of alternative Martinis, I had a Vesper last night.
But sour mix and fruit juice have no place in a “Martini”, any more than gin or Vodka in a cocktail glass.
Sage advice I heard from a friend who was getting into mixed drinks with gusto, “If you don’t like vermouth, don’t mix martinis.”
How hard is that?