Well I again picked the screening line with just the metal detector, and some people were pushed through, but others were going through the nude-o-scanner. My number was picked, and I opted out.
First up it wasn’t as bad as I had expected, but I’ll note that first, I’m Weer’d, and my boundaries are likely broader than most when it come to unessisary contact. Second I was wearing loose-fitting shorts, and I wear fairly thick cotton boxer-briefs which make the really crude inside the waistband search a bit better. Last, and this was a big one, my screener was a total gentleman who was very aware at how inappropriate (tho maybe no how unnecessary) this all was.
I had a few ideas of verbal abuse I would give these creeps as they plied their horrible trade, but this guy was so polite, and I wanted to pay attention to his actions so I didn’t miss anything.
I wanted to thank him for being professional, but admonish him for being part of the problem, and remind him he SHOULD be wearing an OSHA radiation badge. But after he swabbed his gloves for chemical traces he said from a distance that we were done, and I could be on my way.
Oh well, they should be ashamed of themselves, and all cellphones off for takeoff.
I fly almost every week for work. I’ve been grabbed by the folks in the scanner line maybe 5 or 6 times. It’s pretty easy to avoid if you look for the lines that don’t have the scanners. I’ve never gone through the scanner. I opt out every time.
The last time I got grabbed, I got the usual stand over there treatment, but I got a new question: “Is there anywhere on your body that is injured?” Thinking quickly, and in my best Mort Goldman voice, I replied: “Well, just the abscess in my groin.”
“You have an abscess? In your groin?”
I decided to go all in…
“Yes, an abscess in my groin. Please be very careful when you handle my groin, because the abscess is very painful, and it might leak…”
After the most perfunctory of pat downs, and the bit with the machine, he told me I could go.
“Are you sure? Because my last pat down was much more invasive…”
“Uh, no…you can go.”
I saw him just about run for the hand sanitizer…
“I don’t have an injury, but I do have a chancre on my groin that I need to get some antibiotics for…”
I will never set foot in any of those back-scatter scanners. I would rather these Wendy’s drop-outs pull on my hog, than relinquish my 4th Amendment rights for zero good while assuming the universal pose of surrender.
That disgusts me to no end.
And that is pretty much exactly why I just drove eight hours each way last week to attend some mandatory work training – I have somewhere near a negative desire to allow some high-school graduate who found his job on the inside of a pizza box to grope my nether regions, thank you very kindly.